Two Parallel Worlds and Neither Just

Instinctively humans are programmed to prefer one thing over the other, according to their individual understanding. But isn’t it a generic statement when I say that? Haven’t we witnessed that the right to make selections belongs to the privileged few, while the rest are there to follow? Over centuries the so-called evolving society has given women a generic profile to follow, where every digression has been opposed with vehement aggression. And it is equally true about both the conservative and liberal societies.

I always wondered why women are so obsessed about attires and external appearances and why they judge even each other on their fashion sensibilities. I remember working in Delhi during the early 2000s. It was the time I recently joined Cyber Media. Usually, I wore salwar-suit with dupatta, oblivious and nonchalant of the evolving work place culture of the metropolis. Observing me for some time, one of my female colleagues could not resist asking me one day ‘why do I always dress like Behenji (conservative, naive)?’ Was I intimidated? As a youngster, yes! It was a term used to deride and make one feel sub-standard. I could not explain to her that I feel comfortable in the attire and it certainly should be the most important factor in choosing a dress. I knew she judged me by my attire because the world has set a benchmark for women based on their looks and ironically women judge their peers through the same yardstick. It is remarkable though, how they fail to question the status quo and rejoice in fitting the frame. I wish they eventually learn to think beyond these stereotypes.

We are living in a liberal, modern world; at least, by and large we tend to believe this narrative. We do not question its credibility either. But in my unsettled, confused thoughts some questions pop up, which the civilized, liberal society might not have answers to. One such question is about the dress code assigned to women and the dutiful obedience they adhere to in order to be categorized as the ‘woman of today’. The definition can further be extended to her being the unabashed, confident woman who doesn’t shy away from showing her curves and cleavage. Mind it, any deviation from this definition could make her fall in the other category of conservative, orthodox, and archaic. So, as a woman who wants to be recognized and accepted by the society at large, she needs to fit in a frame carved by the narrative in vogue. I wonder though, why men are not judged by what they wear and are free to make personal choices according to their convenience.

For women, there exists a parallel world, but neither just. In some societies, the subjugation is obvious and loud while in some it is discreet and unassuming, yet it dominantly prevails. In the United States, currently the two major political parties are at loggerheads on abortion rights of women. There are sweeping changes being made on the availability or unavailability of abortion rights. I have read many blogs that talk about the need of restoring the basic right of a woman over her body, rallying for abortion. And I have witnessed states like Texas that have abolished legal abortion practice.

Pardon me for being a sceptic, but I think either way it is a lost cause. What advocates of neither sides are talking about is responsible behavior on the part of the male partner. As a mother, I feel what most women would agree on is the fact that abortion is not a choice of a woman. It is a side door to escape from the responsibility she either is not willing to commit or does not have the power to take. By allowing her to abort an unborn child, to undergo the emotional and physical suffering is not a privilege. It is a hogwash of a right. Worse still, is the misery inflicted on a woman who does not want to continue the pregnancy, but the law of the land compels her to do so by depriving her the alternative. Is the woman alone responsible for the unborn? Where is the accountability of the male counterpart and why is there no law to ensure that the man bears the moral, social, and financial responsibility of the act much the same way as the woman has to? We cannot overlook the fact that when we talk of abortion, we talk about an unborn child who had the basic right to be born. I have had the opportunity to live in both the worlds: one speedily evolving to match the pace of the evolution race and the other already claiming to reach the pinnacle. What I found in the two worlds is starkly similar. The only thing that has changed is the form of the subjugation. The world still operates on the basic principle of patriarchy.

The understanding is disillusioning, and it brings in the ability to quash the trivialities of social conformity. After living for a decade in the US, I remember being recently asked by a new Indian friend if I don’t wear contemporary attires. She was curious because the few times that we met were at each other’s homes and I grabbed on the opportunity to wear traditional outfit as there are very less occasions you get to wear those multi colored dresses. I wondered what she meant by that and couldn’t help chuckle on being stereotyped, yet again. Honestly, I don’t mind it as long as my attire gives me the liberty to think beyond the façade.